Gotta love the weather...

So today I was supposed to fly back to Sioux Falls, SD then drive 100 miles back to Okoboji so that I could go back to work tomorrow. Well as my luck would have it, I got to the Denver airport and was waiting for my flight out there only to find out that all flights to Sioux Falls are cancelled. They told me I could fly out to chicago tomorrow afternoon then to sioux falls from there...depending on the weather again. If they flight takes place, I won't get into Sioux Falls till 10pm tomorrow. Then I have a 100 mile drive to the apartment. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.

On another note, Whitney and I are talking again. No, she didn't completely leave him yet, but I think we've found a good middle ground...where I've wanted to be since the whole thing started. I just want to be a good friend and not someone she completely ignores one time and talks to all the time the next. I think this time things might actually go well.

Kim and I have been talking a lot. We're doing great. Looks like we'll be hanging out a bunch when I get back up to michigan. I can't wait. She's going to come to my semiformal too, so that'll be awesome. She's great.

Anywho, I have a long day tomorrow. Hit me up on the cell...I'll be stuck in airports for most of the day.

COLORADO!!

So as I had mentioned, I'm in Colorado till monday. It has been pretty good so far. Flew in early morning on tuesday. Went out to breakfast with my parents and sister. For the rest of the day we just drove around and checked out my town that I haven't seen in way too long. Tuesday night I went in to see my debate team. It was like a huge reunion. A bunch of guys from when I was on the team came back too. We all talked and helped out with the new team. Wednesday was pretty good. Went to town with my mom and spent $400 at the buckle. Lucky jeans are nice, but pretty expensive. Didn't do anything really really exciting though. Family came in from Denver that night, so we spent time with them. Thanksgiving was a lot of fun. A ton of family came over for dinner. A lot of them I haven't seen in years. The day was pretty long, but well worth it. Friday was alright again. I was supposed to meet Whitney for dinner in green river, UT (can't believe I thought that it might actually happen), but she called and told me that her work schedule changed and the weather was supposed to be bad...whatever...i don't even care anymore. Grandma came over last night and we played cards and games. It's nice just to hang out with family. Today I haven't done much...just hang out around the house. A bunch of the guys are coming over in a couple hours to hang out. It should be a good time.

In other news, things with Kim and I are going great. Like it was before our little deal that was going on a few weeks ago. She seems to be doing pretty good. I just can't wait to get back up to michigan to see her and hang out.

Anyways, I would love it if everyone that reads this would please sign my guestbook over on the right. So far only my aunt has.

Words

frus·trat·ed
To cause feelings of discouragement or bafflement in

Hurt
To cause mental or emotional suffering to; distress

An·ger
A strong feeling of displeasure or hostility

desolate
crushed by grief

These are the only words to describe how I feel towards her. No sorry, you're right, I won't do it again, or anything is going to change this now. I wish I would've never found her. Maybe someday she'll find herself. Maybe she'll realize what exactly it is that she just lost.

What a weekend

Got up at 5 AM on saturday to tag along with the Okoboji debate team. Went to sioux city all day with them. It was a good time and I met a lot of awesome people.

What I want to write about, I really can't on here.

What I am going to write about, I'm not sure about. If you read the comments on my last post you will see people telling me never to talk to her again. Then the last one is from her...saying I was right.

She tells me that I was right and that Eric fucked up and hurt her again. I knew it was going to happen, but I decided to ignore that and hope that she was right and that he was actually good for her....to just get over it. Well, I decided to ask about it. Turns out the only reason she wanted to talk was to tell me I'm right and that she wants to be completely alone for a while, "to figure things out." I don't understand it, but I'll honor that. For some reason I got my hopes up immediately when I saw that comment. I'm wondering why though...this is just like all the other times. What will make it any different. She wants her alone time, so that's how it's going to be. I'm not going to let myself fall again.

On my mind...

So it's been nearly 2 weeks without a single word being spoken, but I still find myself thinking about her all the time. I desperately want something back...the her that I got along with so well. If I keep my mind on other things to stop thinking about her, I end up seeing her in my dreams. Should I keep pushing it away or should I try to make things better? Or is that even my choice now?

Guestbook

I just added a guestbook to my site so that I could see who all is checking it out. I'd love it if you signed it and maybe wrote something cool. The link is over on the right just below the counter. Thanks!

4 more days!

Almost time to fly home! I can't wait. Sucky part is going to be getting up at 4am to go to the airport on tuesday.

If you want to hang out while i'm out there, give me a call.

SNOW!!!

So today it has been snowing all day. It's awesome. Kinda crappy compared to colorado snow, but it's snow nonetheless.

In other news, I finally have some cool projects to work on at work. Nothing huge, but they're still fun, somewhat simple projects. Better than line layout work.

I've been working with the Okoboji debate team lately. I'm really liking working with them. They're open to help and they're already pretty good, so it makes for a good time.

As for the other things I've been posting about lately...Kim and I have everything worked out and are on good grounds...just like before :) As for Whitney, I don't even know. I'm over her now, but I'm not sure how things are going to go as far as just friends...although even that was part of the problem before. I pretty much quit talking to her a while back. We talked once in the last couple weeks and I haven't heard from her since. She must be happy...i just hope she doesn't expect me to be waiting with open arms when he fucks up again...just like the other 3 or 4 times he did in the past. But that's obviously none of my business and not something I really want to be my business anymore. She made her decision. I guess that's the end of it.

As for Thanksgiving...Tuesday i get in early on. Probably go around and see family. Tuesday night I'm going to stop by and see my debate team and coach. Wednesday I'm going out to lunch with Heather! I can't wait...i haven't seen her in forever. The rest of the time I don't have anything specific set in stone. I know i'll be hanging out with sean, kellen, richie and all of them at some point...we just have to figure out a time and day. Let me know guys. Hopefully I'll get to see Emily too...haven't got to see her since I was in Salt Lake.

Anywho, I'm tired. Good Night!

A Poem by Kimberlee Wilson

From the time i met you

There was something there

I can't seem to describe it

But i know its there

I hate the fact that

I can't be mad at you

Some of the things you do

I can't seem to understand

There is always something

Pulling me back to you

What is it about you

It just won't go away

I just wish you would

See me the way i see you

I wish you knew how great

it could be, if you let somebody in

Have your fun now but,

I can't wait forever

Maybe you'll come around

Before i'm swept away

Leaving no chance of you and me

Thanksgiving

I can't wait til Thanksgiving. I'm getting up at 4 in the morning on the 22nd to drive to the airport to fly home. I'll be getting in around 9:30 or so. I don't have any real plans for any of the days that I'm there other than Thanksgiving day. I plan on meeting Heather for lunch on the 22nd or 23rd. I'm really excited about that because I haven't seen her since graduation. I'm going to be in town till the 28th, so I'll have quite a bit of free time. I'm sure I'll be spending a bunch of time with family and a day or so with Sean, Kellen, Richie, Keith (?), and them. It'd be cool to meet up with Becca and Emily too...I haven't seen either of them since june of 04. So many people to see in such a short amount of time. If I don't meet up with all of you that week, I'll also be back in town for 3 weeks over Christmas and New Years. I know I'm going to be busy tuesday night...I gotta go see my team and coach and see how the debate team is holding up. Sounds like they're doing pretty good. I better get back to work. See all of you soon!!

I don't know what to do...

It's like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I haven't talked to Whitney in I don't know how long and it hurts just as bad as when I do. I'm torn in two different directions and have no idea where to go from here. I think what hurts the most is that in all that time, the most I got from her was a Hi on msn. Two weeks ago when I tried to just end it all and try to get out of the situation she did nothing but call and text wanting me back. Saying she didn't know what she had till she lost it. The following week was great...until he came back. I thought the words that she said that week were sincere and honest, but they seem so far from it looking at things now. They only seem true when she has no one else to look to. It's like I'm the fallback guy. I want so bad to talk to her, but at the same time I don't at all. When things are going good with her it's incredible...an awesome friend. When things are like they are now I feel like I've lost part of me that I can't seem to replace.

Gotta Love the Radio

Yet some more lyrics...just the chorus of a song I heard.

Because when he's holding you,
Know that it's killing me,
Let my memory be the reason girl
That you can't sleep
And everytime you feel his touch,
I pray to God it's not enough
And that I've touched your heart so deep
Girl, you can't shake me
Cause I love you,
Yes I need you,
Miss me baby.

Miss me baby,
Until you can't take it no more
Miss me baby
Pack your bags and hit the door

Fix You and Bless the Broken Road

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I



Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

________________________________________________

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

What I think

So an interesting comment got left on my post from yesterday.

"so aparently I am not the only one? Guess there are two bitches in the world. Or maybe just one. I'm sorry.
*w*"

Bitches is a really strong word that doesn't describe either of you. And like I said before, and i'm sorry if it hurts, but I'd believe the sorry a lot more if you didn't keep saying it with no change.

Here's what happened...

I meet Kim and start taking her out on dates a lot near the end of the last school term...as friends. I've met her family and friends and seem to get along with them pretty well. She's a nice girl. I wasn't too worried about things and I was fine with the situation. During that time I was talking to Whitney a lot too. Just over the phone and online. Haven't seen her in person in years. The problem is that I became really attached. School term ended and I left for Iowa. For the first couple weeks I regrettedly didn't call Kim and talk to her as much as I should have. Finally I decided that I was screwing up there and started talking to her more. Just in talking to her over the phone I started to fall for her. I was able to keep it under control for however many dates we went on, but I finally started to lose it. Around the same time I also got cast aside by Whitney...or so it seems. I know Kim wants to not be tied down, and we've had the conversation before, so I'm ok with that. I don't want to lose everything I had with her. If things even stay how they were when I was up there, then I'm a perfectly happy guy. As for Whitney, I feel like I kept getting pulled in then cut off. She appologizes and says she doesn't know what she wants. It just hurts too bad to keep holding on. I'm not quite sure what to do with her. There's no normal to go back to with her. It has been like this since day 1 with absolutely no change what so ever.

That's a brief overview of the entire situation. I'm being 100% honest here. If either one of you read this, so be it.

...

I give up...

What does it take to win? Really? Seems like it has to be the hard to get jock, drunken, cheating asshole. I'm never going to be that guy. I don't want to be that guy. I'm always the one people could see having a great relationship with, but yet it never happens.

I should stop trying to fool myself into thinking these girls are going to actually live up to that.

Am I destined to be "just a friend?"

At any rate, I'm still thankful that I'm atleast still a friend. She's great and being a part of that will still make me happy. Let me know what exactly you want out of this Kim.

Monday...

I don't know what to write. I don't know exactly what to think about the situation I'm in. I can't wait to get back to Michigan though...hopefully it will solidify my decision.

Only one...

My downfall: I become too attached too easily.
My solution: Forget about it all.

I've been looking abroad when she has been right under my nose...

I'm sure everyone that reads this is going to be confused but the one that I'm talking about. Hopefully she'll be at semiformal with me.

I'll leave it at that.

Thinking, Hoping, Wishing...

Is it getting better or am I just setting myself up again?

Halloween Weekend

Well, I'd say my weekend was pretty interesting. Friday night was boring and depressing for me. I realized a few things about a couple of the things that are going on in my life and am now trying to decide what exactly to do about them. I'm not worrying too much about it though.

Saturday night was the fun time. Max, Lee, and I spent all day saturday gearing up for our halloween party that night. We got our beer pong table all painted and finished, got chips, and set up a kick ass music playlist. Little did we know that the damn music would be what would get us in trouble. AS the night progressed, we ended up with 8 people over hanging out. The neighbors ended up calling the cops on us. To make a long story short, jason jetted, and the rest of us played innocent and the cop let us off.

The rest of the night it was pretty calmed down...everyone but ashley and Sam (girl) left to go to spencer to round out the night. The girls and me climbed into my bed.

Sunday was rather uneventful...

Monday was boring as hell...

today is pretty boring so far...

Pictures from the weekend.